News · Fiction · Other bad decisions
Bleak headlines, stupid stories, and opinions nobody requested—served without dignity, optimism, or a functioning editorial process.
August 30, 2025
The National Football League proudly announced today that its ongoing commitment to player conduct, mental health awareness, and vaguely defined “initiatives” has yielded historic progress: only 4% of this year’s draft class has murdered their…
August 12, 2025
In what media insiders are calling “the most unexpected resignation since the Pope discovered Grindr,” Rupert Murdoch has stepped down from his role overseeing The Sun after a profound psilocybin journey in which he claims he “merged with the…
August 11, 2025
VANCOUVER ISLAND, BC – The grand experiment to “reinvigorate tourism” by releasing 5,000 Bengal tigers into Vancouver Island has been declared “a bit of a cock-up” by provincial authorities after a series of events best described as “the opposite of…
August 8, 2025
By Staff Reporter – In what gaming historians are already calling “the most avoidable loss of life in MMO history,” all 40 members of a World of Warcraft Classic raid perished in real life Sunday night following a full wipe in the dungeon Molten…
May 27, 2024
In an unprecedented legal verdict, acclaimed author George R.R. Martin was found guilty of 90 million counts of emotional damages and psychological torture for failing to complete his epic fantasy series, A Song of Ice and Fire (ASOIAF). The United…
June 1, 2024
Hey there, welcome to The Daily Lobotomy. A space for my writing output to live. I'll still be posting my more serious writings on https://drewwalshclassic.substack.com, but this is a place for my stories, satire, and just general musings and…
August 8, 2025
Characters: Paul and Lisa sit across from each other at a candlelit table. Paul is already on edge because Lisa has been acting strange all night. Tony is, of course, slumped against Paul’s side, wrapped in a tasteful dinner jacket. The waiter…
August 8, 2025
The resurrection chamber smelled like ozone and overconfidence. In the center, surrounded by chrome machinery and humming plasma coils, lay Lucius Aemilius Scipio—dead two thousand years, dressed in a tunic that looked like it had been stolen from…
August 6, 2025
In the year 2271, a mom named Emily sat in her plush armchair, nervously twirling a glass of wine in her hand. Her 23-year-old son, Hector, was sprawled on the couch, lazily flipping through a history textbook. “Hector, dear, we need to have a…